October 29th Minutes
SEHS Parent Council Meeting, October 29, 2008
Helen Garrett stood in as facilitator for Connie Wonham.
Principal’s Update – Randy Bernstein
Bomb Scare – Randy was out of town when the school received a bomb scare by telephone last week. It was determined to be a low-credibility threat due to the lack of details. A student working in the office took the call, office staff ordered an evacuation, school district officials and police did a search (no lockers were opened), two periods were interrupted, a letter explaining the threat was sent home with students.
Direct Donation Drive is on the way. We do this twice a year, it is our biggest fundraiser. It goes through EEF. We rely on it. Last year we received over $80,000. Donations help keep classrooms open. Sometimes we get $5K to $10K donors, $150 to $200 donations are most common, but even a $5 participation donation is appreciated.
The newsletter was mailed out today. The Principal’s letter gave more details on Essential Skills.
Mid-term reports will be done next Friday.
School Board Work Session – Right now the school board is considering enrollment management: how many transfers a school can take. SEHS may be capped at 1,500. Right now we’re at 2,000. The new policies will affect staffing: fewer kids, fewer teachers, fewer programs (language, arts. We current have 250 or more kids who live in the Churchill district, while only 40 kids from the South district choose Churchill. HIS at South will be hit the hardest.
Financial Update – Cindy Wright
Directory Sales brought in $3,178. Registration donations were $4,498, $2 short of the goal set at $5,000. (Randy pulled $2 from his wallet to reach our goal.) Scrip sales from July 1 through September were $5,320, $3,800 of that was e-scrip. Cindy introduced our Scrip Publicity Coordinator, Greg Maynard, who is looking at ways to set general goals and develop techniques to enhance scrip sales. Greg passed out a handout detailing trends of e-scrip supporters and revenues. Since 2005 we have been steadily increasing revenues using e-scrip. As of September ’08, we have 609 supporters (people who are signed up for e-scrip with 331 merchants). Analysis of the data indicates that 6% of supporters account for 48% of the gross revenues YTD. Greg reiterated that people who are making purchases from merchants, like Safeway and Market of Choice, could be generating income for SEHS simply by signing up for e-scrip. His group brainstormed ideas of ways to get people to sign up. One idea was to get school groups or clubs who want to raise money for their group to encourage consumers to sign up for scrip. Based on the number of persons the kids got to sign up, the group would be rewarded financially for their efforts. Another idea involved organizing a phone bank to call lists of parents (potential consumers) to walk them through the steps of registering for e-scrip.
Yet another idea was to use Unique Eugene Scrip. This is a paper scrip system that garners a 10% gain for the school. This group consists of 20 different merchants: Blue Moon Jewelry Designs, Dot Dotson’s, Down to Earth, England Audio, Eugene Toy & Hobby, Footwise, Greater Goods, Harlequin Beads & Jewelry, McDonald Gallery Fine Framing, Newman’s Fish Market, Oregon Art Supply, Pacific Winds Music, Passion Flower Design, Paul’s Bicycle Way of Life, Rainbow Optics, Saturday Market, Sequential Biofuels Station, Smith Family Bookstore, Sundance Natural Foods, Tactics Boardshop. This scrip makes a great gift, and imagine if you are purchasing a new bicycle for $300, the school gets $30, or a $400 pair of glasses, $40. Many of these things we buy anyway, why not benefit our school.
Staff Appreciation Day is December 12. Please volunteer to help by calling Kathy Ruggles, our Volunteer Coordinator.
PARENT EDUCATION SERIES “What You May Not Know About Being a Teenage Boy”
Presenters were Brandt Stuart, 4j Mental Health Specialist and Tibor Bessko, South Eugene counselor and leader of Young Men’s Support Group at SEHS.
We are attempting to discuss an endless variety of boys in a short amount of time. We want to hear from you about anything specific you are struggling with. Boys are confusing. Most of us didn’t get any help with that and we are still trying to work it out. Our struggle is partly because we haven’t worked it out ourselves.
The presenters asked the audience what they really love about our boys and wrote those things inside a circle drawn on a white board. Some things contributed by the audience were: humor, intelligence, energy, strength, relationships less complicated, boys have a totally different perspective, I’m learning about a whole different kind of music, arts, culture is new for us, acceptance, tolerance for others, appreciation, compassion, sensitivity, hugging, displays of affection, competitive and genuine, wit, critical thinking, unexpected strengths or interests, comfort with his identity, wider degree of being who you want to be, tenacity, navigating non-stop physical changes.
Outside of the circle—What are all the things that keep boys from being all these things? Responses from the audience were: Calling each other “faggot” – they use that word a lot, “gay” “you’re so gay.” Brandt said that we need to challenge them when they say that. Ask them, “What do you actually mean by that?” Obscenity is very prevalent in music, lyrics. Stereotypes – he’s a jock, nerd, there’s a bigger menu, but still pigeonholing. Girls have closed the gap in math and language arts, some boys are feeling that. Cruelty – it’s not cool to show too much enthusiasm or compassion, to be over-emotive, it is perceived as weak. Cliques – feeling compelled to get under a label. My son is hiding or lost, I am waiting for him to come out of his shell. There is a lot of trying on different hats, seeing where they fit. They keep in their emotions because they think they are supposed to handle it – vulnerability. Addictive behaviors. Win to be accepted, desire to fit in. Conflicting messages – pressure to be sensitive and pressure to win. Double bind. Having to negotiate the cultural expectations. Exhaustion, anger, depression. As a parent, you can see they are having difficulty, but if you say anything, they shut down. Apathy, low self esteem, not a winner. I feel like I am trying to ballet dance on egg shells, he says, “You don’t get it.” Do I step back? When am I going to know him again? How do you get your support? Tibor suggested to talk with people at school, share with other parents, read books on handout list. Isolation – even with their best closest friends, it’s really hard for them to say, “I’m really hurting.” Brandt said that developmental passage is complicated by marijuana, gaming and other risky behaviors. An adult male in the audience said he experiences the same things but doesn’t have time to deal with it because of his responsibilities. It’s not really a passage. We get better at dealing with these things. As men we still deal with it, but all of us are struggling. Boys see this on the faces of the men around them.
Brandt – Setting Limits, Anybody having any luck with that? Audience response: Overhovering – we are doing too many favors for them. Should we toughen them up? Are we being too vigilant, giving them too much attention. “My mom is all over me.” Experiment with not saying that thing you always say. Be careful of overcompensating (mom too lenient to make up for rigid dad or vise versa) try for a good balance. We all have a desire to help and guide, but we have our own set of issues , our own stuff guides our interactions with our child. Talk through what makes sense. How much comes from your own anxiety. Worrying is not really what’s going to help them. As parents, we are not always going to get it right – 75% is OK.
Negotiating turbulence – You can always come back to stuff later when you’re not so hot tempered. Communicate that there is unfinished business and you have to work this out.
Tibor asked his Young Men’s Support Group, “What would you like to tell a group of parents eager to hear about young men’s issues?”
Their responses: It’s harder for us to focus, We are heavily distracted by breasts, Moms don’t understand us and we don’t want to be understood (conflict), Gaming is a vicarious way for us to vent anger and can take your mind off of uncomfortable feelings, How to communicate with us, Communication is not all that enjoyable, Easier to communicate with males, Get to know our ways better. We are more nonverbally oriented, You don’t understand sarcasm, The silent treatment is a way to get back at or punish parents, Valor is important, ie, the willingness to put yourself on the line… “I won’t hold your hand or say I love you but I’d die for you!”, Brotherhood is important. We are impressionable, stupid and act on a whim, Take time to find out what we are interested in, Teenage boys are going to be moody, mean and angry. This is a temporary condition so it would be best to not take it personally, Food is the answer to everything! Don’t baby us.
Handout notes:
Tips for Communicating with, Understanding and Supporting Boys
-Food is the answer to almost everything
-Relationship building opportunities arise when you least expect them
-Communication may be happening without words being directly spoken
-Needing to have the last word is not recommended. In fact give them the last word
-Avoid generalizations and sarcasm when in conflict.
-Consequences don’t need to be immediate to be effective/you’ve got time to think and consult
-Pick your battles
-If you need to have a discussion, arrange a time, stick to the time (not too long), avoid lecturing and nagging
-Keep your sense of humor/read “Zits”
-Remind yourself that adolescence is a phase, not a permanent condition
-Encourage activities that allow for “natural highs”, especially outdoors
-Encourage regular exercise
-Excessive time using electronics may be a bigger problem than the content. Set reasonable limits on both fronts
_When frazzled, exhausted and on-edge, take care of yourself. It’ll make the work of parenting teen boys more manageable
-Talk to others in confidence about your concerns. You are not alone.
-Look for small successes/victories and share the specifics with them. All boys want to be seen as effective and useful.
Resources
The Trouble with Boys – Peg Tyre 2008
Raising Cain – Kindlon and Thompson 1999
Real Boys –William Pollack 1998
The Wonder of Boys –Gurian 1997
The Minds Of Boys: Saving our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life – Gurian 2005
Web Site - http://www.pbs.org/parents/raising boys
Helen Garrett stood in as facilitator for Connie Wonham.
Principal’s Update – Randy Bernstein
Bomb Scare – Randy was out of town when the school received a bomb scare by telephone last week. It was determined to be a low-credibility threat due to the lack of details. A student working in the office took the call, office staff ordered an evacuation, school district officials and police did a search (no lockers were opened), two periods were interrupted, a letter explaining the threat was sent home with students.
Direct Donation Drive is on the way. We do this twice a year, it is our biggest fundraiser. It goes through EEF. We rely on it. Last year we received over $80,000. Donations help keep classrooms open. Sometimes we get $5K to $10K donors, $150 to $200 donations are most common, but even a $5 participation donation is appreciated.
The newsletter was mailed out today. The Principal’s letter gave more details on Essential Skills.
Mid-term reports will be done next Friday.
School Board Work Session – Right now the school board is considering enrollment management: how many transfers a school can take. SEHS may be capped at 1,500. Right now we’re at 2,000. The new policies will affect staffing: fewer kids, fewer teachers, fewer programs (language, arts. We current have 250 or more kids who live in the Churchill district, while only 40 kids from the South district choose Churchill. HIS at South will be hit the hardest.
Financial Update – Cindy Wright
Directory Sales brought in $3,178. Registration donations were $4,498, $2 short of the goal set at $5,000. (Randy pulled $2 from his wallet to reach our goal.) Scrip sales from July 1 through September were $5,320, $3,800 of that was e-scrip. Cindy introduced our Scrip Publicity Coordinator, Greg Maynard, who is looking at ways to set general goals and develop techniques to enhance scrip sales. Greg passed out a handout detailing trends of e-scrip supporters and revenues. Since 2005 we have been steadily increasing revenues using e-scrip. As of September ’08, we have 609 supporters (people who are signed up for e-scrip with 331 merchants). Analysis of the data indicates that 6% of supporters account for 48% of the gross revenues YTD. Greg reiterated that people who are making purchases from merchants, like Safeway and Market of Choice, could be generating income for SEHS simply by signing up for e-scrip. His group brainstormed ideas of ways to get people to sign up. One idea was to get school groups or clubs who want to raise money for their group to encourage consumers to sign up for scrip. Based on the number of persons the kids got to sign up, the group would be rewarded financially for their efforts. Another idea involved organizing a phone bank to call lists of parents (potential consumers) to walk them through the steps of registering for e-scrip.
Yet another idea was to use Unique Eugene Scrip. This is a paper scrip system that garners a 10% gain for the school. This group consists of 20 different merchants: Blue Moon Jewelry Designs, Dot Dotson’s, Down to Earth, England Audio, Eugene Toy & Hobby, Footwise, Greater Goods, Harlequin Beads & Jewelry, McDonald Gallery Fine Framing, Newman’s Fish Market, Oregon Art Supply, Pacific Winds Music, Passion Flower Design, Paul’s Bicycle Way of Life, Rainbow Optics, Saturday Market, Sequential Biofuels Station, Smith Family Bookstore, Sundance Natural Foods, Tactics Boardshop. This scrip makes a great gift, and imagine if you are purchasing a new bicycle for $300, the school gets $30, or a $400 pair of glasses, $40. Many of these things we buy anyway, why not benefit our school.
Staff Appreciation Day is December 12. Please volunteer to help by calling Kathy Ruggles, our Volunteer Coordinator.
PARENT EDUCATION SERIES “What You May Not Know About Being a Teenage Boy”
Presenters were Brandt Stuart, 4j Mental Health Specialist and Tibor Bessko, South Eugene counselor and leader of Young Men’s Support Group at SEHS.
We are attempting to discuss an endless variety of boys in a short amount of time. We want to hear from you about anything specific you are struggling with. Boys are confusing. Most of us didn’t get any help with that and we are still trying to work it out. Our struggle is partly because we haven’t worked it out ourselves.
The presenters asked the audience what they really love about our boys and wrote those things inside a circle drawn on a white board. Some things contributed by the audience were: humor, intelligence, energy, strength, relationships less complicated, boys have a totally different perspective, I’m learning about a whole different kind of music, arts, culture is new for us, acceptance, tolerance for others, appreciation, compassion, sensitivity, hugging, displays of affection, competitive and genuine, wit, critical thinking, unexpected strengths or interests, comfort with his identity, wider degree of being who you want to be, tenacity, navigating non-stop physical changes.
Outside of the circle—What are all the things that keep boys from being all these things? Responses from the audience were: Calling each other “faggot” – they use that word a lot, “gay” “you’re so gay.” Brandt said that we need to challenge them when they say that. Ask them, “What do you actually mean by that?” Obscenity is very prevalent in music, lyrics. Stereotypes – he’s a jock, nerd, there’s a bigger menu, but still pigeonholing. Girls have closed the gap in math and language arts, some boys are feeling that. Cruelty – it’s not cool to show too much enthusiasm or compassion, to be over-emotive, it is perceived as weak. Cliques – feeling compelled to get under a label. My son is hiding or lost, I am waiting for him to come out of his shell. There is a lot of trying on different hats, seeing where they fit. They keep in their emotions because they think they are supposed to handle it – vulnerability. Addictive behaviors. Win to be accepted, desire to fit in. Conflicting messages – pressure to be sensitive and pressure to win. Double bind. Having to negotiate the cultural expectations. Exhaustion, anger, depression. As a parent, you can see they are having difficulty, but if you say anything, they shut down. Apathy, low self esteem, not a winner. I feel like I am trying to ballet dance on egg shells, he says, “You don’t get it.” Do I step back? When am I going to know him again? How do you get your support? Tibor suggested to talk with people at school, share with other parents, read books on handout list. Isolation – even with their best closest friends, it’s really hard for them to say, “I’m really hurting.” Brandt said that developmental passage is complicated by marijuana, gaming and other risky behaviors. An adult male in the audience said he experiences the same things but doesn’t have time to deal with it because of his responsibilities. It’s not really a passage. We get better at dealing with these things. As men we still deal with it, but all of us are struggling. Boys see this on the faces of the men around them.
Brandt – Setting Limits, Anybody having any luck with that? Audience response: Overhovering – we are doing too many favors for them. Should we toughen them up? Are we being too vigilant, giving them too much attention. “My mom is all over me.” Experiment with not saying that thing you always say. Be careful of overcompensating (mom too lenient to make up for rigid dad or vise versa) try for a good balance. We all have a desire to help and guide, but we have our own set of issues , our own stuff guides our interactions with our child. Talk through what makes sense. How much comes from your own anxiety. Worrying is not really what’s going to help them. As parents, we are not always going to get it right – 75% is OK.
Negotiating turbulence – You can always come back to stuff later when you’re not so hot tempered. Communicate that there is unfinished business and you have to work this out.
Tibor asked his Young Men’s Support Group, “What would you like to tell a group of parents eager to hear about young men’s issues?”
Their responses: It’s harder for us to focus, We are heavily distracted by breasts, Moms don’t understand us and we don’t want to be understood (conflict), Gaming is a vicarious way for us to vent anger and can take your mind off of uncomfortable feelings, How to communicate with us, Communication is not all that enjoyable, Easier to communicate with males, Get to know our ways better. We are more nonverbally oriented, You don’t understand sarcasm, The silent treatment is a way to get back at or punish parents, Valor is important, ie, the willingness to put yourself on the line… “I won’t hold your hand or say I love you but I’d die for you!”, Brotherhood is important. We are impressionable, stupid and act on a whim, Take time to find out what we are interested in, Teenage boys are going to be moody, mean and angry. This is a temporary condition so it would be best to not take it personally, Food is the answer to everything! Don’t baby us.
Handout notes:
Tips for Communicating with, Understanding and Supporting Boys
-Food is the answer to almost everything
-Relationship building opportunities arise when you least expect them
-Communication may be happening without words being directly spoken
-Needing to have the last word is not recommended. In fact give them the last word
-Avoid generalizations and sarcasm when in conflict.
-Consequences don’t need to be immediate to be effective/you’ve got time to think and consult
-Pick your battles
-If you need to have a discussion, arrange a time, stick to the time (not too long), avoid lecturing and nagging
-Keep your sense of humor/read “Zits”
-Remind yourself that adolescence is a phase, not a permanent condition
-Encourage activities that allow for “natural highs”, especially outdoors
-Encourage regular exercise
-Excessive time using electronics may be a bigger problem than the content. Set reasonable limits on both fronts
_When frazzled, exhausted and on-edge, take care of yourself. It’ll make the work of parenting teen boys more manageable
-Talk to others in confidence about your concerns. You are not alone.
-Look for small successes/victories and share the specifics with them. All boys want to be seen as effective and useful.
Resources
The Trouble with Boys – Peg Tyre 2008
Raising Cain – Kindlon and Thompson 1999
Real Boys –William Pollack 1998
The Wonder of Boys –Gurian 1997
The Minds Of Boys: Saving our Sons from Falling Behind in School and Life – Gurian 2005
Web Site - http://www.pbs.org/parents/raising boys
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