May 27th Minutes

May 27, 2009, Parent Council Meeting Minutes

Principal’s Update –Randy Bernstein

The end of the year has lots of events: The National Honor Society induction and CAM portfolio exhibition took place last week, Rebecca Covach won A Champion in Education (ACE) award in the volunteer category at the Hult Center ($750 will go toward the school). The Career Center Volunteer Appreciation Lunch will be held next week.

We are not offering AP Chemistry next year. Student Government is trying to raise $17K by writing letters to well connected people to buy it back.

A letter is going out to senior parents about senior slams and senior pranks to get ahead of things this year. This has been a problem for years—making up rumors, last year they went cyber. We hope to get parents to talk to their students about bullying. Slams and pranks can have devastating consequences.

“Senior Skip Day” will be an unexcused absence. This is not a school sanctioned event.

Parking changes will be made next year. We are going away from assigning individual spaces to zones because it is easier to manage. We do not have enough staff to check on spaces being taken by unauthorized cars.

We will be sending a team of teachers and counselors to Salem to see about developing an on-line credit program for students who are short a credit or two from graduating. It would target kids who are having trouble catching up.

Enrollment – We have reached our 375 cap of freshmen. IHS and Classic have a waiting list.


Financial Update—Cindy Wright

Cindy paid $36K for the Volunteer Coordinator, Library and Music hours during May. She paid $108 for the e-mail server. The Staff Appreciation Lunch will be paid for this month.

E-scrip was down in April, but if last year’s pattern holds true, we expect a jump in May. Paper scrip (Unique Eugene) is selling well, about $1,000 every month. Unique Eugene brings in 10% from local businesses. It can be bought at the school office.

Financially, we are on track for this year.


Parent Council 09-10 Leadership Positions

Mark Rosen will become Chair. He said he is looking forward to moving Parent Council to the next level. Jen Wyld will take over as Parent Education Series Coordinator. Cindy Wright, having 3 years of experience, will remain as Treasurer. Maggie Moore will remain as recorder. E-news Editor will be Michelle Pellitier. Helen Beardsworth stepped up to become Fundraising Publicity Coordinator. We are still in need of a Student Directory Coordinator(s). The directory is basically a “Plug and Play” effort that happens between August 18 to September 25. Please contact Mark Rosen if you can help.


PARENT EDUCATION SERIES—Setting Boundaries for your Teens

Laurene Larson, South Eugene Counselor (687-3213) and Nancy Meyer, South Eugene Psychology teacher presented suggestions for parents for setting boundaries for their teens. They encouraged parents to use the Parent Education Series as a parent-to-parent-to-South connection and to use the school directory to keep in touch with other parents.

Randy Bernstein gave a power point presentation on data collected in a survey of last spring’s juniors regarding their involvement in high risk behaviors. The data is from the State of Oregon which has conducted this anonymous, self-reporting survey for 10 years. Although there may be some intentional misreporting by some students, we believe this is highly reliable data.

(Randy’s power point)

A handout from Oregon Liquor Control Commission was made available about Oregon’s Alcohol Laws and Minors. Be aware that anyone who sells or gives away alcoholic beverages may be held liable for injuries caused by a minor who obtained alcohol from you when you did not properly check for identification. There are still curfew laws for:
· Under 14, not yet in high school: School days –9:15 pm to 6 am, Non-school days 10:15pm to 6am.
· 14 or older, in high school: School days—10:15 pm to 6 am, Non-school days 12 midnight to 6 am.
For more information, contact: Janice Kindrick, West Metro Enforcement Unit Manager, phone-503-872-5157, toll-free: 800-452-6522, e-mail Janice.kindrick@state.or.us


Nancy Meyer Handout

Teen years, by definition, are a time of stretching—biologically, and socially. Frontal lobes (our rational, mature thinking areas) aren’t fully mature until early 20’s – but this is also a time of rapid brain growth of neural connections (second only to the ages of about 3 to 6). So, it is an incredibly important time to help our kids pursue interests and activities that will encourage positive brain growth.

This can be a rough time for kids – pressure, the need for social approval from peers, alienation from parents, and sense that they need a direction in life…but don’t really have it.

Teaching psychology has helped me learn and remember a few important thoughts:
· Parents are not the influence we’d like to be in terms of shaping teen behavior—peers have more clout. We do the best we can—but many of their values, attitudes and expectations have already been shaped.
· Kids’ temperaments and how they process information differs dramatically.

Some ideas I’ve learned from experience w/my kids and my students:
1. Communication – try to keep this open/listen, wait, find times to talk when things aren’t tense; make sure both parents are involved in decisions and discussions (authoritative parenting = most successful…demanding, responsive, allow exceptions, explain)
2. If you’re uncomfortable with a request…there’s probably a reason. My response was, “Find a way to let me say ‘yes’. Help kids understand why you’re concerned…let them help find a solution.
3. Avoid putting kids in untenable situations—eg home alone for a weekend. It’s a huge expectation…a few groups of friends who are texted becomes an uncontrollable group. Reminder – parties at your house, whether w/your permission or not, may make you liable for injuries.
4. It’s not about trust – talk to your teen about safety (of your teen AND others); and no, everyone else is not ‘doing it’.
5. Work on parent network – best if you create this before there are issues…but do it anyway. It helps to have other parents to talk to. School directory is invaluable. Buy two. Work on positive framing, “I understand my son will be coming over to your house Friday night. Is there anything I can send along to help out? Do you want any other parents around to help out?”

If your teen is frequently at a house when parents aren’t there, you might want to check in with them about their rules, what’s going on, etc.

Call parents with concerns…don’t always count on not being busted (I tried), so realize it may come back. That’s OK—you’re concerned about safety. It’s a consistent, important, totally responsible theme – and including the community sends an important message, even if it’s not the one your teen wants to hear.

Cell phones have changed things dramatically. We used to be able to call a home and know if our kids were there…not that easy anymore.

6. Avoid ultimatums (eg ‘don’t drink’), but help kids cope…if you/someone else has been drinking, get a different ride. Call us and there are no questions.
7. Reminder – we’re the parents here. It’s not a matter of control, but of responsibility. We’re all trying to do a good job of rearing thoughtful, reliable, honest children as safely and happily as possible.

Sometimes we need to help our kids appreciate or at least understand where we’re coming from and what our concerns are, etc.—then try to be consistent. And if we aren’t , explain why we’ve changed direction. We’re human, so it’s important to communicate why we’re making our choices, try to understand why our kids are making theirs, and find a way to resolve differences whenever possible.


Laurene Larson Handout – 10 tips

1. Set rules and expectations in advance. Talk to them about what and why you expect certain behavior. It’s OK to adjust as your teen progresses through SEHS. Freshmen are different than seniors! It’s a sure thing that your teen will object to some of the family’s rules. Expect it. Remember this is the time of life when they are trying to establish their independence. Help them as they navigate through this transition. If there are two households, maintain communication and try to have a united front. It’s OK to set consequences for unhealthy behavior. It’s usually counterproductive to argue about one parent’s consequence. Let it be, and discuss in private, parent to parent.
2. Be positive! The five to one rule is good—five accolades to one criticism. With most everything, there’s a positive spin, help them see it. Provide authentic praise. Teens have great “fakedar”, they almost always know when they’re being praised without merit.
3. Discuss issues and LISTEN to what they say. Lecturing has its place, but can shut down communication. Other turn offs are the four letter words: don’t, can’t, must, have (to), need (to). Help them THINK about opportunities and consequences. Lists are good. I often have students make pro/con lists and come back to talk with me about it.
4. Expect good grades AND good behavior. Maintaining good grades does not exempt students from getting into trouble. Be aware of other clues, and ask questions when things are unclear.
5. Be aware of changes in friends, sleeping patterns, mood. Most often it’s normal teenage behavior, but sometimes it can spell trouble. Call your student’s counselor. If you suspect something’s off, investigate.
6. Let your teen experience failure. Protecting them from the natural disappointments of life actually decreases their ability to handle disappointment. As a parent this is difficult, but teens bounce back. If they don’t bounce back in a reasonable amount of time, seek help.
7. Get to know their friends. Be comfortable asking questions and calling their parents. Don’t hover…read “Zits”. Teens need their space, just as parents need theirs!
8. Buy a Phone Directory…and use it. If a parent calls you, listen and after talking with your own teen, return the call if appropriate. Try to avoid reacting defensively.
9. Know the laws about minors. Curfews, driving, driving w/ friends, etc.
10. Laugh. Laugh with your kids (not at them). Laughter is good medicine!

Parents asked questions, other parents from the group gave suggestions:

Help your child practice thinking of reasons why they would not want to engage in risky behaviors, eg “I’m on the soccer team,” or “I don’t want to lose my position in debate.”

Re Facebook: Schools, employers can look at pages. Kids have done stupid things for all to see. It cannot be gotten back.

Tell your student to use you as the bad guy. “My parents won’t let me.” Let your child know when a friend has seen them around town, or let your child know when you have seen one of their friends. Have them keep in mind that they are known and you have spies all over town.

Have your child come in and wake you up and give you a kiss so you can smell his/her breath.

If you come home to kids in your house smoking or drinking, call the other parents. Let them know what happened.

Let your kids know your boundaries. Ask them “What would be the risk…?

When you call other parents, express concern, not accusation.

If you hear about parties at other people’s houses, call the school.

You may have to risk having your son/daughter get mad at you. Develop the attitude that they are going to get mad at you a lot.

Casually ask for phone numbers of your child’s friends when you meet them. Keep the list on the fridge. That way you will have contacts when your child doesn’t answer. Someone is bound to know where they are.

Tell your child to check in when they move from place to place. Set a plan for when they will be coming home. If they forget, tell them to set the alarm on their cell phone so that they will remember.

You have to start training them for when you will not be around all the time. It’s not about control, but responsibility. Express concern.

Reward them for being honest and forthright.